The Family Caregiver: Parenting Your Parent or Spouse

Hi. As one of the newest columnists to have the pleasure of being part of the Gilbert Guide family of contributors, I’d like to introduce my new column to you. By virtue of training and personal experience over the past 10-plus years, I have become very knowledgeable on a wide variety of issues concerning boomers, seniors, aging and caregiving. Am I an expert? I’ll leave that decision up to you, the readers of this column. What you can count on is that everything I write is honest, accurate, and has been thoroughly researched—or is based on my own personal experience as a caregiver. With that said, welcome to my column. Now, let’s get started.

As you know, most family members don’t expect to become caregivers. When a situation such as a family member suffering a paralyzing stroke, receiving a diagnosis of Parkinson’s, or as it was in my own case, my mom’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease, a family member, usually the spouse or an adult child is suddenly thrust into a totally new role as care provider. Most of us almost immediately go into “fire drill mode” and require lots of information to answer our many questions. Remember, we didn’t ask for (or volunteer for) this job as caregiver, and it can be quite overwhelming at times.

While my own background at the time included a great deal of education and training on numerous issues impacting both boomers and seniors regarding their health, wealth and lifestyles, like you, I wasn’t even close to being fully prepared to deal with the dozens of problems facing my mom and our family as her disease began to affect her life. Nor was I ready for the impact that Mom’s illness would have upon my time, my energy and my life.

As a result of this initially overwhelming experience, which now includes more than five years of overseeing my mother’s safety, trying to assure her a decent quality of life, and being responsible for handling every detail of her day-to-day living, I am committed to helping others get through the first months of becoming a caregiver for a family member.

The first step I took to accomplish this was to share my own experiences. While my caregiving experience is with an Alzheimer’s mom, most of the problems I had to deal with are the same problems facing caregivers of loved ones with any debilitating illness or disease. I used what I had learned about Mom’s disease, which included drawing upon my own challenging caregiving experiences, and wrote my book Caring for a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease. Published in October 2008, the book is designed to help family caregivers gain an understanding of the disease and its progression, and to provide crucial support in answer to the incredible stress that is placed upon care providers.

In writing this column, it is my desire to identify and discuss many of issues that you will face as a family caregiver as you are pushed into the role of parenting your parent or significant other. Future articles will address topics ranging from how to insert yourself into your parent’s life, to how to deal with parental resistance and denial of very real problems, like living alone, driving or personal safety. Other issues I’ll write about will include recognizing when there is a physical problem and understanding the difference between normal aging and illness-related signs and symptoms.

I’ll share my mother’s personal experiences with exploitation due to her disease and suggest ways to protect your loved one from these predators. I’ll also make you aware of the professionals and community services that are available to you as a care provider. And equally as important, I’ll explain what you can and cannot expect from government programs such as Medicare, Medicaid, hospice, local adult day care programs, long-term care insurance and other common programs and services.

One of the most important components of my monthly column involves your participation. I urge you to submit the questions, concerns and problems that you’re dealing with as a caregiver. Through my responses, and the responses of other readers like you, I hope you will come to realize that you are not alone. While each caregiver’s situation is unique, many of us have already walked miles in your moccasins, and have dealt with very similar situations. Share with us and let’s all learn from our collective experiences.

I look forward to becoming a reliable resource for solutions to your caregiving concerns and answers to your questions about caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s and other devastating illnesses and diseases.

Until next time, thanks for caring.

Ron Kauffman

Posted in Alzheimer's & Dementia Care at Home, Caregiving: Parenting Your Parents