• Brain Fitness: An Interview with Alvaro Fernandez from SharpBrains
• Senior Divorce: Using Mediation as an Early Intervention
• What is Mediation and How Does It Work?

COMMENTS
7 Responses to “Senior Divorce: Using Mediation as an Early Intervention”

1. Ruth Says:
   

   I think mediation is definitely a better way to go than litigation whenever possible. I found that the Divorce Buddy System by J. Richard Kulerski was really helpful in teaching me how to talk about the issues, especially the money issues, in our divorce. It made the whole process much more friendly than if we'd gone to court and fought over everything.

2. Vashj Melang Says:
   

   I'd imagine the mediation option would be far preferable in a senior couple's case, not just for them, but for their children also. Parents fighting always affects children, even if they happen to be 60 years old already. A spirit of cooperation in a mediated divorce will at the very least allow the family to be left in relative peace.

3. Paula M. Lawhon Says:
   

   Dear Ruth:
   Sometimes couples are unable to talk about those difficult issues for various reasons. I frequently advise divorcing couples to try to sit down together and talk things out first to see if they can reach agreements on at least some issues. If that doesn’t work or if they reach an impasse and aren’t sure what to do next, then getting the help of a skilled, neutral mediator who can help guide the individuals in productive settlement discussions should be the next step so that everyone can avoid the painful and costly court fight.

4. Paula M. Lawhon Says:
   

   Dear Vashj:

   You raise a very good point that divorce impacts more than just the couple who are splitting up. Children, whether they are 6 or 60, can feel helpless and frustrated watching their parents go through the pain of a divorce. Mediation helps to keep the fighting and antagonism out of the process allowing the divorcing couple to maintain civility and dignity while dealing with the end of their marriage. That’s a good thing for the divorcing couple as well as all of the people who love and care about them.

5. Joseph F. Dillon Says:
   

   Funny enough that the author says she is by no means a psychotherapist as I always tell my clients as a mediator, I am not your lawyer, your accountant or your therapist but in reality at the end of the day, I turn out to be all three! I find this especially acute with senior couples whose issues are that much more troubling to them given the fact they would have never thought after 30 or 40 years of marriage they would find themselves in this situation. That's where mediation is definitely a better, more compassionate fit.

6. Jay Says:
   

   After 40 years of marriage, my wife and I, both 69, used a mediating attorney in Westchester Couty, NY to create a separation agreement. Process worked quite well, though still a little more expensive than I anticipated. However, was exactly within the parameters suggested by WSJ...about $6700. Took about 10 1-hour sessions plus the cost of the 45-page separation agreement document. We can now divorce after 1 year in NYState using the separation agreement exactly as it stands as the basic divorce document. That will cost another couple of thousand, including expense for an expert in pension QDROs to deal with my wife's government pension which will be split equally. But, mediation turned out to be the kindest and most cost effective way to go.

7. Paula M. Lawhon Says:
   

   Dear Jay:
   Every state has different requirements for completing divorces and every mediator has a different way of handling the divorce and mediation process. I let my clients know that two to three mediation sessions is typical, with each session being 2 or 3 hours. But every case is different and it is very difficult to know how long the case will take when unexpected disputes arise. This is why we take the first mediation session to discuss the entire financial history and get an overall understanding of the potential issues regarding finances and the children so I can provide a clearer estimate of how much time may be expected. I’m glad you found mediation to be a kind and cost effective way to handle your divorce and I wish you luck in completing what sounds like a long process for both of you.

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