My Mom Needs to Move...I Think!

It happens every year, starting the week after Thanksgiving: adult children migrate home to spend time with their parents and see signs that their parents are aging. Sometimes the signs are subtle, such as undone chores, or deferred home maintenance; sometimes they’re more alarming, such as a significant weight loss, unsteady balance, or the inability to remember major life events.

Every year around this time, I receive a deluge of phone calls from panicky family members who declare, “It’s time for my parents to move!” Very often the urgency I hear from these adult children is not because their parent is in a life-or-death situation, but because it was the first time they witnessed signs of their parents needing assistance. Many of my clients don’t live close enough to check on their parents at home, so they don’t have the peace of mind that comes with knowing their parents are safe and happy.

After a visit, it can be unnerving to leave a loved one who has health issues that need addressing. Many adult children think that the ultimate peace of mind will come if they move their parents into a senior community where there will be others around to lend a hand if something should happen. So I understand when they call and insist that their parents must move. However, it may be that your parent simply needs a little help with chores or transportation. There’s an entire continuum of senior services that ranges from home care and home health care services to twenty-four hour nursing care in nursing homes. Although I make my living helping people move, I advocate helping elders stay in their homes for as long as they want to, and as long as it’s safe. Aging in place is a relatively new phenomenon with a growing segment of services to help support our elders staying exactly where they are, for as long as they want to stay there.

But if moving is the right answer, how do you know your options for moving your parents when you live three states away? The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (NAPGCM) can help you locate a professional who can work with you and your parent to assess their needs and determine if it’s truly time for your parent to make a move, and if so, the kind of housing that might be the best fit.

If it’s time for your parent to move to independent or assisted living, there are local services that can help you facilitate the move. If you’re helping your parents move long distance, here are some resources you can call on:

1. Start with a Senior Real Estate Specialist (SRES). Real estate agents who work with seniors can act as a project manager. They’re familiar with the senior housing in the area and have a list of resources that can help you facilitate the move no matter where you are. A good real estate agent who works with seniors will be your single point of contact and manage the details for you. Ask your real estate agent for:

1. A moving company. There are movers who will pack, unpack and settle your parents into their new home within one day. An amazing feat that eases your parent’s transition immeasurably.
2. Cleaners. Don’t burden your parents with having to clean their home once they’ve made the move. Hire someone to do it for them.
3. A handyman to help get the house ready for the market.

2. Eldercare Locator is a free aging service locator offered by the U.S. Administration on Aging. Call 1-800-677-1116.

3. MetLife, in coordination with the National Alliance for Caregiving, publishes a series of guides that are invaluable to family caregivers. I urge you to peruse Long Distance Caregiving, a guide in their Since You Care series.

Best wishes to you and your family this holiday season!

Lisa Dunn

Posted in Emotional Aspects of Moving, Geriatric Care Managers: How They Can Help, Real Estate for Seniors, Selling the Family Home, Weighing your Housing Options