How to Help Seniors Cope with Pet Loss

It’s been three months since my dear cat Jimmy died and last week, in my kitchen, I found myself carefully standing clear of the space where his food and water bowls sat for the sixteen years of his life. I was reminded of my loss, this time with a lesser grief, but with great sadness nevertheless.

The loss of a pet is cause for genuine grief. Companion animals provide a level of acceptance, love and presence throughout their lifetimes. They provide meaningful relationships, which are so important to our lives. When a senior loses a pet there are significant implications that accompany that loss, as well as issues that are pushed to the forefront. Some of these include:

• Aging & vulnerability. Loss is disturbing at any age, but as we grow older and experience more people around us becoming ill and dying, it becomes harder to see our pets also become frail and die. It is yet another reminder that we, too, are vulnerable. Every loss brings up memories of earlier losses. And because memories of our animals are ingrained in so many areas of our homes, like Jimmy in my kitchen, the reminders are constant.
• Loneliness. When the loss of a family pet occurs after the loss of a spouse, it is an especially difficult scenario. A pet that remains after a spouse or partner dies becomes even more important to the surviving individual, and the senior may have viewed the animal as the last link to his or her loved one. If the senior has not lived alone for many years, losing a pet after losing a spouse is a very difficult adjustment.
• Loss of physical touch. Many seniors have smaller social circles as friends and relatives move away and die. If the older person lives alone, there may be less physical touch in his or her life. When a pet dies, this loss is exacerbated. Clients have poignantly expressed this new reality to me by asking, “Who will hug me now?”

How can I help a senior who is mourning the loss of a pet?

The issues that a senior faces leading up to and after the loss of a pet can be devastating. However, there are a number of ways that you can show your support during this difficult time. For example:

• Recognize that the older person may be grieving after the death of a companion animal. As possible, be more available after the loss as you would after any significant loss.
• Encourage the senior to work through this loss and reassure him or her that great sadness is normal and to be expected after such an important relationship ends. If you cannot relate to this loss, suggest that your friend or client speak with someone who can.
• Send a warm bereavement note to show the senior he or she is in your thoughts.
• Do not ask whether the senior will get another animal. A beloved pet is not a quart of milk to be instantly replaced at the store. This diminishes the memory of the pet that was lost. And if the senior is frail, there are questions of whether he or she is capable of managing a new pet now.
• Make a donation to a worthy animal-friendly cause in memory of the pet.
• Watch for signs of prolonged sadness or depression, and as necessary, refer the senior to a qualified practitioner for treatment. The SPCA offers counseling in difficult near end-of-life situations as well as bereavement support; the toll-free number for counseling services is (877) 474-3310. Many other organizations, including the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement and the American Veterinary Medical Association offer individual and group animal bereavement services as well. Many and animal medical centers offer individual group bereavement support programs.

I hope you find these suggestions a good beginning guide. Ultimately, the best advice I can offer is to simply open your heart. Then you'll do fine.

Be well,

Arleen

Author’s Note: Thanks to psychotherapist Vivian Sklar, LCSW, for her wise thoughts in preparation of this piece.

Posted in Communicating with Loved Ones, Coping with Loss, Dealing with Grief & Guilt, Geriatric Care Management, Understanding the Grieving Process