• Funeral Planning: Having the Talk with Your Loved One
• How to Alleviate the Stress of Moving for Older Adults
• Geriatric Fiblets: The Ethics of White Lies
• A Tale of Hoarding: Honor Thy Father & Mother
• When Things Can't be Mended
• A Life that Matters
• Helping Parents Move Upwind
• Reunions, Reminiscence & Reflection: Stories to Tell
• Hoarding Solutions
• Home Buyers Beware: A Cautionary Tale
• Moving Made Simple: How to Create a Stress-Free Move Day
• RIGHTsizing Your Life
• The Downsizing Cover-up
• Moving a Relative with Memory Loss
• Helping Mom and Dad Move: Practical Advice for Adult Children
• Downsizing: 6 Months & Counting

COMMENTS
One Response to “Geriatric Fiblets: The Ethics of White Lies”

1. Robert Brown Says:
   

   Hi
   Respectfully, I totally disagree with the notion a lie is ok.
   A lie is a lie is a lie, no matter what sweet-sounding words are used to attempt to cover it up. Just because a lie is called a 'fiblet' does not make it not a lie. "A rose by any other name will still smell as sweet" and a lie by any other name is still a lie.

   Whether with children, the aged, or any relationship where trust is important, a choice to lie threatens that trust as well as corroding the integrity of the liar. And as sure as night follows day, 'small' lies lead to 'bigger' ones, 'small' failures to keep ones word lead to 'bigger' ones.

   The purpose of the lie may seem to vary, but it is always to make it seem easier for the liar rather than for the benefit of the person being lied to.

   Whether avarice, guilt, selfishness, shame, or some expected undesireable consequence; all lies are inspired by FEAR of some imagined future consequence. It is the fear on the part of the liar that needs attention, not a search for justification for lying.

   Lying is the refuge of those who are too afraid, lazy, ethically challenged, selfish or ignorant to give the issue enough loving thought to find a solution to complex issues that does not involve lying.

   For the person who cares enough about both another person and maintaining high ethical standards to put forward the loving energy needed to learn an approach that serves both parties, I highly recommend "The Validation Breakthrough" by Naomi Feil - ISBN 1-878812-11-4.

   While focused on Alzheimer's-type Dementia, the techniques of validation are every bit as valid for and adjustable to the circumstances of any adult with diminished ability to fully care for themselves [my assertion].
   In her book you will find examples of experience by professionals in various facilities around the world; assisted living, nursing homes, eldercare, and a university hospital. You will not find justifications for lying.

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