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Comments For "Coping Strategies for Caregivers: 4 Ways to Make it Through"
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7 Responses to “Coping Strategies for Caregivers: 4 Ways to Make it Through”
  1. Helena Says:

    The squabbling between family members is something I am dealing with right now. My father has recently needed more help that usual and so my brother and sisters have been talking about what to do and how to help him, and I can’t believe how many fights we have had in the last six weeks. It feels like we are all teenagers again in the same house.

  2. DannieLafs Says:

    The squabbling between siblings is common, but it takes away from the important matters at hand. I would suggest calling a family meeting, and say its time to stop fighting and focus on your dad and that’s that. Someone needs to step up and be in charge for your dad. And you can do it. It was your father who took care of you and now it is your turn to do the same for him! :)

  3. Victor Gilbert Says:

    NO cappuccino's for us. Just ten years of enduring a hellish well designed 'bait and switch' business plan developed by Mother's chosen facility.

    To spare my sister and myself care-taking responsibilities, Mother, who had cared for my grandmother and father, decided to sell her home of 50 years and move to a facility. The sales tour had Mother and my sister and myself totally smitten with the sheer beauty of the place. And all the verbal and written promises of care mentioned in their beautiful sales brochures. Sadly, we were smitten with what I now call the "chandelier effect."

    Mother lived there for 6 years and never once was there any mention of dementia in her nursing notes. I complained frequently during the 6 years that they were understaffed. Understaffing forced me to hire an aid.

    On January 3, 2003, Mother fell ill with the flu and she went to the hospital. Mother returned from the hospital on January 8, 2003 at 6 pm and went to stay in Assisted Living Wing. At 11 p.m., just FOUR HOURS later, the staff started making notes that Mother was wandering. She was just getting out of bed!

    Even though their brochures advertised 24/7 care, they decided Mother needed an ADDITIONAL special 24 hours caretaker. They charged us $92,000.00!

    Without informing me and my family, and BEHIND our backs, the NEXT DAY, they tried to make an appointment for my Mother to be seen by a nurero-psychologist because she was "confused". Thus began their clumsy and transparent (to me) process of "weeding and culling".

    Thus began the REAL HELL, starting with her two forced evictions and with her death on November 25th, 2004.

    So one reason I am writing this is to tell you that I tried to take care of myself as Mother's caretaker and looked forward to her move to assisted living because it would be a win-win situation for Mother, my sister and I. It would have been better for Mother to stay home as long as possible.

  4. Arleen Stern Says:

    Dear Helena and DannieLafs,

    Thanks for your comments. It is understandable, and very common that an elder becoming more ill, can be cause for family turmoil. That does not make it any less disturbing. A family meeting is a good idea, although it may sound too official for some family members. Perhaps as things quiet down a bit, it will be possible to sit informally and talk together about what happened that set off the family fights. (Was it easier to fight than look at the reality of a parent's decline, or the fear this evokes in all of us? Were there money issues about who would pay for the extra help? Was there resentment because someone "took over?")

    There is always an opportunity if taken at the right moment to repair relationships--and to resume functioning as mature adults together once again.

  5. Bob Sardary Says:

    I know a lot of people around me who have experienced caregiver burnout due to lack of help from other siblings. I am wondering if there are any technology tools out there that could helpt the "caring" sibling enlist the help of the otherwise well-intentioned but non-cooperative ones.

  6. Laurie Orlov Says:

    I recommend first reading up on holding a family meeting. Video phones can be a big help too. Involve the family members in a video conference by sending a web camera if they have a PC and using Skype. Or think about installing sensors in the home for others to monitor; here's an example.

    Good Luck!
    Laurie

  7. Lara Belonogoff, Gilbert Guide Says:

    You could also try Lotsa Helping Hands as it could be that your relatives have no idea how much work caregiving is and once they see everything that needs to be done then they may get more involved in helping out.

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