Kim Israels earned her Certified Life Coach designation through the Institute of Professional Empowerment...read more
Life Coaching
Talking to Yourself: Helping or Hurting?
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“Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”
—Henry Ford
Our thoughts and beliefs are very powerful. What we focus on expands in our lives, what we dwell on becomes our experience. That little voice inside our heads that never lets anything go without a comment, remark or evaluation, can be very critical and unforgiving. What we say to ourselves can determine our attitudes, shape our choices and influence how we live our lives. How many times has each of us said, “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t make changes,” “I can’t do it,” “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m too old”?
Negative self-talk takes many forms. It might stem from comments made by well-meaning people. Our family, friends or partners may express their opinions or limiting beliefs to us in a negative way. It might simply come from sharing a story of something terrible that happened to someone else. Even the newspaper, the television news and advertisements can perpetuate negative beliefs we have in ourselves. Do you watch television shows, movies or listen to music that denigrates others? We begin to believe what we have heard because repetition is a convincing argument and the brain believes what it is told over and over again. It’s no wonder that researchers have shown that 75% of the thoughts we have every single day are negative.
As humans we are creatures of habit and it is easy to continue to think and communicate in the same way. The words we use in our everyday language are an indication of what we think and believe.
Awareness is the first step toward change. Pay attention to how you express yourself in conversation and what words you use. Each word is a choice and these choices can have a huge impact on others. Words of encouragement can inspire, while words of disappointment can dishearten.
For a few days, be aware of how you communicate with others. Have you ever paid attention to the things you say? How many times do you use negative words such as should, can’t, don’t, and never? Do you rush to repeat negative stories and share bad news? Do you listen attentively to what others are saying or are you anxious to tell your own story? Become conscious of what your negative self-talk says to you about yourself and others, and how you then choose to communicate that with others. Remember: it is a choice.
The words we use shoulder a huge responsibility. Be gentle and kind not only for the sake of others, but for your own sake as well. In the wisdom of Buddha, “Words have the power to destroy or heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.”
Posted in Caregiver Burnout, Dealing with Grief & Guilt, Holistic Health, Life Coaching: Kim Israels
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