Advocate 101 for Family Caregivers: Talking with Physicians
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Welcome to my new series on being an effective advocate. Many family caregivers are thrust into a role for which they are ill-prepared. Meeting with medical professionals can be intimidating, as we live in a culture where doctors in white coats are seen as beyond reproach and are sometimes unapproachable. But as all family caregivers know, it is their job to ensure that the family member’s needs are seen to—that person depends on their advocacy. Patients and caregivers often feel that physicians and medical professionals are too busy to “hear” their concerns. Below are a few tips to make sure you get the most out of your doctors’ visits.
Before Your Appointment
- Be prepared; have salient and detailed information for your physician. For example, “My father hasn’t been feeling well” is not as easy for a doctor to assess as “my father has had a fever for two days that was over 100°F. He also has had tingling sensations in his left leg for four hours.”
- Keep a list of all health concerns and put them in order of importance. This list will help you bring up any auxiliary issues, and keep both you and your physician focused on what matters to you.
During Your Appointment
- Pay attention. The likelihood that you will retain everything that the doctor explains to you—especially if it isn’t good news—is slim. Help yourself recall the information your physician tells you by using the 3 R’s: record, write or rope in a relative or friend. Take notes during the conversation or directly after, when information is fresh in your mind. Taking a small tape or digital recorder with you can also be helpful. Having a second set of ears listening may also help you decipher the full meaning of the information later on.
- Ask for clarification when a term or concept doesn’t make sense to you. Specialists sometimes use a lot of medical jargon.
- Make sure you are effectively communicating. Doctors often are very busy people. Listen to what they are saying. Don’t waste anyone’s time, including your own, by rambling on in conversation. Make certain they know your feelings; a doctor can only guess until you say something.
Both doctors and caregivers are in the business of helping people. Go in prepared to make sure you get the most out of the experience—and keep in mind that you came to help another person. As Nobel Prize winner Martin H. Fischer once said, “In the sick room, ten cents’ worth of human understanding equals ten dollars’ worth of medical science.”
Wishing you a clean bill of health,
Lara Belonogoff
Posted in: Caregiving, Elder Care, Nursing Homes
I am the primary caregiver for my mother. Everything you point out is common sense. But I know for me I need to be reminded of everything as I sit with my mother in a doctor’s office AND try to make my mother comfortable AND listen to what the doctor is saying. I like the idea of taping the conversation so I can listen to it later without any distractions.
That is such a good idea! One never knows when the conversation will take an unforseen turn. Writing everything down you need to discuss is the first 1/2 of completing an excellent doctor visit. How relaxing it would be to drop the pen and have a correct conversation, so long as your provider has given permission to record all.
[…] In the Gilbert Guide blog alone, we offer dozens of solutions and ideas to help family caregivers, including online resources, coping strategies and information on topics such as Alzheimer’s and dementia care, and how to effectively advocate as a caregiver. Support groups provide family caregivers with a place to discuss their feelings openly, can help monitor the effectiveness of coping strategies, and let caregivers know they are not alone. But one of the simplest solutions to avoiding caregiver burnout is this—keep your sense of humor and look for the small joys that can come your way throughout the day. […]
Hi Lara!
I was wondering if you plan on being involved with BedsideAdvocates. Its
that program starting up by two retired
physicians in Boston. Just want to make sure you know about them if you don’t.
I think your mission is great !
Linda DeSantis
Thanks, Linda! I hadn’t heard about Bedside Advocates, but what an exciting project. For our readers basically the program is in its pilot stages in eastern portions of Massachusetts right now, but will hopefully one day be a national organization. The pilot program provides advocates for high-risk patients, mainly the frail elderly, at their bedside or in an ambulatory setting. For more information, check out their website.