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Talking about Intimacy, Sexuality & Alzheimer’s: Part 1
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Two weekends ago I attended an annual educational conference sponsored by the Alzheimer’s Association. A few days before my boss passed by my desk with a program sheet and leaned in to tell me one of the seminars I was attending would be a “gentle discussion of intimacy and sexual issues as they relate to the person with dementia,” but I still wasn’t sure what to expect. What I walked into was a frank conversation that I think many people need to have, but haven't.
The social worker running the program started in the best way possible—she opened with some facts. One interesting point: proper sequencing is something that deteriorates in Alzheimer’s patients, but it is primary to sexuality. Within the confines of a couple, a hand on a partner’s shoulder could be an invitation to something more, but if one partner is unable to “read” the signal then communication breaks down. We’ve all seen how many couples, especially close ones, have an unspoken language that seems to inform their actions and conversations with one another. But with Alzheimer’s, this language breaks down, as do memories and the ability to process information. Although these changes can be difficult to handle, there are still ways to kindle intimacy.
During the seminar, we watched a short documentary about a couple. The woman was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the video followed their journey through the course of the disease. The husband spoke of his need for intimacy. He went on to explain that although his wife’s skilled nursing facility, a type of long-term care facility, provided laundry service, he would take her sheets home and wash them himself. Because even though she might not know it, he knew that he was still doing something for her. In that instant, quite a few of my fellow viewers nodded their heads; they too had managed to find new pathways with a partner living with Alzheimer’s disease. One of the many things I walked out of the seminar was this: even though the special unspoken language of a couple might break down, its very destruction could nourish a new, intimate connection. The wife might not have known her husband dutifully washed her sheets, but when she woke up in the mornings the smell of her bed was familiar, even if she didn’t realize it was reminiscent of the home they had made together.
Tune in next week for part two in the series,
Lara Belonogoff
Read information about new research on Alzheimer’s disease.
Read Talking about Intimacy, Sexuality & Alzheimer’s: Part 2
Posted in: Alzheimer's & Dementia, Alzheimer's & Intimacy, Alzheimers & Dementia Care, Caregiving, Dating & Sexuality, Senior Health, Sex & Alzheimer's
[…] In the most recent posting in this series, I examined how intimacy is deconstructed and reshaped within a couple where one spouse has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Sex and intimacy for most couples are intertwined concepts. But as intimacy drifts into unfamiliar territory, like dealing with dementia, many factors act as cumbersome weights on the sexual relationship. Many dementia and sex-related issues are informed by how two people relate to each another as perceptions change. Spouses often have difficulty switching between the roles of sex partner and caregiver. And the person with dementia can become confused about the relationship to their spouse. For example, a woman could think her husband is her father, deem his advances inappropriate and react accordingly. […]